Let Go
by AlwaysHappier
Summary: based on the 4x23 Always promo


**Hey guys.. Sooo I'm supposed to be studying for my final exams but couldn't get this out of my head. Hope you enjoy and GAH I can't wait until Monday :D**

**DISCLAIMER: nope, I own nothing except my flailing fangirl heart ;)**

* * *

She went to the cemetery to try to sort things out in her head. It's where she always goes when she's in search of something but cannot quite grasp it; where she feels the closest to her mother. In some ways, when she goes there, she expects to see her mom in the flesh, to hug and hold, for her to whisper reassurances into her ear and tell her everything will be alright.

But Johanna Beckett isn't there. Instead, a cold granite grave marker awaits her, the same one that she's been staring at for years whenever she was facing her most difficult problems.

Kate placed her flowers at the base of the gravestone and sat back on her heels, kneeling in front of them. Her hands rubbed up and down her thighs in a fidgety way, trying to warm herself from the sudden cold front and to try to think of why she was really there.

"Mom," she began, her voice quivering slightly, "I don't know what to do anymore."

Her chest deflated from the sigh that escaped her lips as her teeth gnawed on the flesh of her mouth.

"It used to be so easy, to close myself off to people and concentrate on finding out who did this to you. But last year, everything changed. I didn't want to see it then, but for the first time in years, I can see myself being happy."

She stared at the granite, almost expecting a reply but knowing fully well that she wasn't going to receive one.

"But this case has caused me to stop living my life. I've been avoiding things—people—who could really make me happy because I'm scared."

She thought back to the events that unfolded today. The sniper almost had her…She had almost died. If Castle hadn't shown up, she wouldn't be here to realize how precious her own life really was. Of course she had been almost killed numerous times; it was a part of her job. But it was different this time. This man was involved highly in her _mother's murder_.

She ground her teeth, as she thought back to Castle's pleading at the precinct before the whole incident on the roof ensued. He had no right to hide that information from her, despite his best intentions. Oh, she was mad when she found out, but she also understood having to keep a secret.

"I almost died today, Mom...Again," Kate looked down at her palms, trying to think of the words and fight back the imminent tears pooling behind her eyes, "but we did it. He's behind bars."

"I'm scared," a lone tear fell down her cheek as she barely whispered the words. "I love him, but I'm so terrified. Hell, I put killers behind bars, but this man has the ability to scare me."

A small laugh rumbled in her chest and her throat bobbed a little as she thought about how pathetic that really was.

"My whole life has revolved around this case and getting justice for you. But now? I think," she sucked in a breath as she attempted to control her sobs, "I think it's time for me to let go."

Her pointer finger traced over the etching on the gravestone of her mother's name.

"I hurt him, Mom. I hurt him for not letting go, for not dropping it. I let him get away again because of this, and I can't live like this anymore. I'm so sorry."

Another sob broke loose from her chest as she sat kneeling in front of the gravestone. The rain was getting heavier with thick, fat droplets of water falling onto her. She could feel herself begin to get soaked, but her mind was elsewhere.

"I love him."

It was barely a whisper but enough to jolt her. She had never admitted it aloud before. Hearing that fall out of her mouth caused her posture to change completely, no longer slumped or sorry but now determined and upright. Right now, she needed him and wasn't going to let her head get in the way of her heart again.

* * *

As she passed the swing set they sat practically a year ago, she stopped, looking over and remembering that day when she told him about the wall she needed to demolish before she was ready. But she's ready now.

Traffic was horrible in the city, so she ran the ten blocks between her parking garage and his, not stopping despite the odd looks she got from bystanders. The doorman's eyes widened when he saw her like this; she was usually so put-together and proper, but she didn't care. She simply nodded to Frankie and speed walked up to the elevator. She paced back and forth as she waited the elevator to make its way up to his loft, one of the top floors. When she heard the _ping_, it seemed like an eternity and she jumped out into the hallway.

She wrung her hands as she waited for the answer to her feverish knocks despite the late hour. The door swung wide and there he stood, with the warmth just radiating off of him.

"Beckett," he said in obvious surprise.

It was now or never. She knew what she wanted—no, _needed_—to do, but it still made her stomach flip. Her hands went to cradle his face as she leaned in to place her lips on his, hoping her actions would do the talking.

Her heart dropped ten stories as he stepped away from her embrace, a questioning, and cautious look on his face. It felt like rejection, the rejection she had feared almost worse than the sniper.

He grabbed her waist to hold her away from him, to assess what exactly happened to his detective, to his Kate.

"Woah. Kate," he began again, taking in her appearance, "what happened? Are you alright?"

She grabbed onto his forearms to keep him there, with his hands warm and gentle through the wet, cold fabric of her clothing.

"I…" she tried to think of how to even start, "I'm ready. I need you, Rick. I'm still damaged goods, but I want to try, if you're still willing to give me a chance. I'm willing to let go."

His eyes lit up in disbelief before taking one hand off her hip and placing it on her cheek to cup her face. Gentle but urgent, they closed the gap between them, her hands winding around his neck and fingers toying with the hairs at the nape of his neck. His mouth was so warm and inviting, tongue soothing the hurt she was feeling earlier. A small moan escaped her, muffled by his own, and soon they were panting for air.

It was then that he noticed that she was shivering from her soaking wet outfit and hair.

"Oh, God, Kate. You're shaking like a leaf. Come on, let's get you dried off and changed."

His hand found her elbow and tried to tug her along with him.

"No, I don't want clothes. I've been waiting too long for this, for you."

Rick's eyebrows shot up and he wrapped his arms around her, placing a kiss to her mouth, forehead, and crown of her head before pulling her along with him.

The steam from the shower surrounded them as he helped her out of her sopping wet jeans, top, and leather jacket that was definitely ruined now. Her skin was cool to the touch still, and his hands tried to soothe the goosebumps that had risen from her chill on her arms. Once they were both stripped, they took each other in, assessing the other fully nude for the first time.

"You—You're so stunning, Kate," he said in slight disbelief that this was actually happening.

"I love you, Castle. Now, take me to bed. Or to 'shower'," she rolled her eyes at her own jumble of words as his eyes widened at her admission.

She took his cheek into her hand as a low growl from deep in his chest sounded, almost animalistic and completely hot. No more gentleness to his actions as he found her mouth and pulled them both under the stream. Kate sighed at the warmth of the water and the tingles erupting from wherever his body touched. His hands roamed the planes of her back as his mouth found its way to her pulse point and sucked until a groan escaped her own mouth. He could feel her heart rate start to climb under his lips.

"Make love to me, Rick."

* * *

**Hope you guys enjoyed this short one-shot. I might expand it a couple chapters if enough people are interested. I'd have to make it M-rated though. Let me know what you guys think and I'll do my best to satisfy!**

**Remember: reviews make my days full of daisies and double rainbows! (Can you tell I've been living off of no sleep and TONS of caffeine?)**


End file.
